ill never get over it.

bigla na lang akong magbbreakdown isang araw, itatanong sa unang bituin na makikita ko, na kung bakit hindi niya ako pinagbigyan.

bigla na lang akong iiyak for no reason at all.

pero buhay pa ako. ngumingiti. at oo, gaya ng fave song of the moment ko, i must be invincible.

****
it will still remain, my dears. ironically kami ni mumiel lang ang nagsalo sa isang indepth na usapan tungkol sa buhay sa teneo. napagkasunduan namin na whatever happens, we'll still be here for you guys, because we are hoping that favor would be returned to us as well.

kaya nga ako nffrustrate. gustong kong tumulong sa orsem pero alam kong may hanganan ang maibibigay ko. bakit ba kasi eh. damn you lack of focus.

pero settled fact na yon. nasa teneo ang puso ko.

****
salamat sa wedding ni dorts, naging babae akong muli.

madami akong natutunan about myself [i.e., i want a 7am wedding, ang registry ko ay sa rustans din, i want my wedding to be personal] na hindi ko naman inaasahang malaman.

at, minsan mo lang makita ang law students na maOBSESS sa usapang shoes dresses make up. moments like that, we treasure.

****
[tinatamad na ko. nffrustrate pk sa ktb k d2.] hay. naninibago ako, walang update si euns. hay.

jumping around by princess yves at 5:42 PM | Permalink | Comments

hindi pwede sa orsem ang hindi mag-eenroll next sem.

do you know how heartbreaking that is?

dammit. isa pa naman yun sa mga pangarap ko. ang mag advice sa frosh ng als na mahirap na masaya ang buhay sa teneo. na first impression ng buong klase ang key kay cande, na first impression sa iyo ang key kay fr b, na si vannie ay nagpapala salle day, na si fr lito ang coolest guidance counselor ever, na useless mag-aral kay fr ferrer, na small but terrible si manong father hwwaaaks obieta, na natuto akong makipagbet sa als dahil kay chu, na si maita ay isang bitch na mabait na magsasave sa iyo sa delibs habang nakaglittery top.

aaaargg.

jumping around by princess yves at 11:19 AM | Permalink | Comments

p*tangna. hindi ko pa binubuksan ang email, nawawala na ang puso ko. hindi na ko humihinga, p*tangna.

kanina pinigil ko lang. muntik na kong umiyak. nung nabasa kong secretly nagnovena for her ang parents ni euns. bakit kasi i keep things to myself until such time when it gets fucked up tsaka lang malalaman ng mga dapat makaalam.

p*tangna. ayokong umasa. pero napaasa lang ako kagabi. not your fault, dears. just hearing that people that i care about got good grades sort of gave me hope that i might be lucky also. pero ayoko. ayoko.

in a few moments as i open that email my life will change. oo nga, hindi naman siguro kalubusan yung humingi sa langit ng himala.

jumping around by princess yves at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments

shit.

i dunno why im here, blogging, and reading yahoo mails.

but like what i promised myself, ill be opening it tomorrow. kapag dumaan at lumipas na ang bagyo.

please.

nobody text me about anything about it. nagpapakamanhid ako. sooner or later, bibigay ako at magbbreakdown.

kung magkikita tayo sa 15, good. kung hindi, wish me the best.

luck everyone.

jumping around by princess yves at 4:40 PM | Permalink | Comments

im actually relieved right now. relieved because in a way im assured that im human.

im actually teary eyed. yep, here in the mall.

finally. for weeks i went on living my life as if everything's ok. that i dont have to face my worst fear ever on may 3. actually. even during the finals ive openly admitted to the fact that i didnt feel anything --- wasnt scared, nervous, anxious at all about the finals. twas only after consti finals that i finally showed emotions of regret, of despair, of giving up.

that was successfully drowned by the sighs of relief and feeling of temporary freedom from school i and my friends shared. the seawater in batangas and a couple of lights helped a hell lot too.

then i came back to my bumming around mode. twas hard, im telling you: holy wednesday, the third official day of summer, was when i finally cracked and admitted that i cant be a bum no more. for a year i was trained to deal with stress and now i just dont want to stop. i even actually considered starting to cross stitch again.

the communication between me and duh perm is still constant, awa ng diyos. all we kept talking about are dorts' wedding and some matters of the heart. we just purposely avoid the topic of may 3.

why am i recapping the days of summer? because we're now here: the hardest week. i am unsure whether after wednesday i can still go on living like this. heck, i havent even talked to them about this yet. i just hope they know it already, with me dragging my sister around for my novena and all. i cant bear tell them that horrible, horrible possibility: that i wont, cant. go back to my little new york.

i can still smile. but i feel my tears lined up and ready to fall come wednesday. God please make them tears of joy. i beg of you.

it's like knowing the exact date of your death, yet you consciously, purposely opted not to prepare yourself and the people around you for it. and now, here you are, two days to go, with nothing but despair in your heart.

pour le muffin.
The Hardest Day
The Corrs feat Alejandro Sanz

One more day, one last look
Before I leave it all behind
And play the role that's meant for us
That said we'd say goodbye

One more night (one more night) by your side (by your side)
Where our dreams collide
And all we have is everything
And there's no pain there's no hurt
There's no wrong it's all right

If I promise to believe will you believe
That there's nowhere that we'd rather be
Nowhere describes where we are
Ive no choice, I love you
Leave, love you wave goodbye

And all I ever wanted was to stay (all I ever wanted was to stay)
And nothing in this worlds gonna change, change

Never wanna wake up from this night
Never (never) wanna leave this moment
Waiting for you only, only you
Never gonna forget every single thing you do
When loving you is my finest hour
Leaving you, the hardest day of my life
The hardest day of my life

I still breathe (I still breathe), I still eat (I still eat)
And the sun it shines the same as it did yesterday
But there's no warmth, no light
I feel empty inside

But I never will regret a single day
I know it isn't going to go away
What I'm feeling (I'm feeling) for you
I will always love you
Leave, love you wave goodbye (love you wave goodbye)

And all, and all I ever wanted was to stay (all I ever wanted was to stay)
Nothing (nothing) in this world's gonna change...

Never wanna wake up from this night
Never (never) wanna leave this moment
Waiting for you only, only you
Never gonna forget every single thing you do
When loving you is my finest hour
I never knew I'd ever feel this way
I feel for you...

jumping around by princess yves at 6:12 PM | Permalink | Comments